wanderlust (the grass is green everywhere)

pure trompe l'oeil

even here.

it’s not easy living with me, I know. I’m the moodiest of critters, too often curled mollusk-like into my own shell, betimes bemoaning this or that or the whole kit n caboodle of my lot, tending to place blame for dissatisfactions wholesale on geography. poor chicago, it’s not to blame for my malaise, ultimately. but I can sure make it sound like it. to live with me is to attend an ongoing litany of plaint (hi, een) and confected concoctions of how fabulous it would be to move elsewhere in one direction or another– now closer to my family, now nearer friends, then away overseas, or what about just striking out behind the wheel across this great nation, no agenda, cameras and gazetteers in hand?

the noodling, you see, unto perpetuity– and I, for the most part, swept up inside its momentum, remain largely unaware of the impact of narratives I create, compulsively, in words thrown out across the airwaves of a room– until confronted by my partner’s, or on one or two memorable occasions my friends’, sheer sense of cognitive dissonance– you say again and again how you’re unhappy with this, how you’d just be happier with that…

the bittersweet truth is: the that is the forever elusive horizon, and this state of affairs is as it’s ever been. spinning dreams out this way and that is what I do. and it may from certain angles seem to contain only downside: continuous complaint, who wants it? so tedious– but underlying it nonetheless is the present, also cherished, if less volubly, and, at least in merciful retrospect, woven through with a thousand graces. the dilemma has in part to do with what folks have taken to calling “mindfulness”– that is, not having enough of it, not practicing it sufficiently to be… what? evolved? at peace with myself in the present?

peace in the present. peace amid motion and thrash of ongoing life. such a buddhist concept. I manage it ill. I am utterly western in my own thrash and whingeing. let us say I could be better: well, I will try. it’s foolish to leave a thing at that’s just how I am. cop out. but also I’d like to be kind of okay with, and see the value in, my own particular, flailing mish-mash. castles in the air can serve as seeds, take root given a fortuitous season, and climb and grow into something vivid, rooted, and real– or they can fly away over the water, so much dust into the view. only time sorts it all out.

so, at the same time that I discourse and fantasize about the multitudinous romances of Elsewhere, now I shop for a home to buy in chicago, a little piece of real estate in order to dig in, plant my garden, take root and claim this city as my own.

M-m-m-move-tastic!

Sunday, 6/28, 6:30 a.m.: the cell phone rings as I’m driving in my car behind Chris in his car as we search for parking spaces for the last time in this wretched neighborhood.

We’ve succeeded in planting the U-Haul truck, at least, smack dab in front of the building, after much angst involving No Parking signs from the alderman’s office, filling them out and putting them up as directed only to have people repeatedly tear down or otherwise simply ignore them. Then, summoning patience, waiting, giving people a chance to do the right thing and move their cars– finally, calling police, who inform us that, as the current time is now later than the start time stated on the signs, they’re unable to assist us. We start phoning in parked cars’ license plates, getting addresses and knocking on owners’ doors– one guy says he’ll be leaving for work at 4 a.m. sharp. Well, okay, fine. So Chris, who’s planning to stay up all night packing anyway, keeps an eye out the window starting at 3:00, goes down and waits by the car starting at 3:45. The guy finally strolls out at 4:30. Chris moves his car into place, and truck parking for 7 a.m. movers arrival is secured. Phew. Now we just need to do something with both of our cars.

“Hello?” I say. At this stage I’m half-hallucinating, exhausted at the tail end of days spent packing boxes and an all too brief three hours of sleep.

“HI! This is DANIEL! from M-M-M-MOVE-TASTIC! How are YOU this fine morning?!”

Laughing, “Hi, Daniel. Ohhh, I’m okay. How are you doing?”

“GREAT! I LOVE STAIRS! If I loved stairs any MORE, I’d be TWINS!!”

At 7 they arrive, three guys, who, true to Daniel’s claim and their glowing yelp reviews, seem indeed to love stairs (we’re moving from 3rd flr walkup to 3rd flr walkup) and RUN back from the truck after each deposit– these guys are athletes, yo.

Unfortunately, the truck’s not big enough for all our stuff, despite the offloading of LOTS over the last several days– by 9 a.m. the truck’s full, and there’s still a bunch left in the apartment. Harumph.

We caravan over to the new place while I feverishly start making calls trying to find a solution: guys from work last minute, something, but it’s a Sunday morning, and nobody’s picking up.

On the other end we wrangle with a narrow alley, briefly consider a move up the front stairs but are quickly discouraged by a suddenly-appearing (Magic Marker still smelly) note from another tenant informing us that “ALL MOVE-INS ON BACK STAIRS”, grumble, deal with it, figure it out, and start unloading up the back– discover that the narrowness of our back deck and screen door opening direction mean that someone has to stand there opening and closing the door as the guys carry stuff in– which totally irks me as a waste of a human being, I try to devise a solution with bungee cords, and Chris immediately disassembles it, which leads to our 237th spat of the morning.

Ah, moving.

A couple of extra guys suddenly show up and start hanging around the truck in the alley with offers of help (there’s an awkward bit once more with another building resident, we surmise the one who wrote the note, who’s hovering and making loud comments about Hispanics).

We briefly consider hiring the new guys for a second round to move the remainder of apartment contents but quickly figure out that ever additional U-Haul hour will run us an extra $50 and say screw it, decide we’ll stick with what we know and hire our same guys to back for the second leg another night.

All week we go to work during the day and then come back to one apartment or the other and work– moving stuff or pulling hardware from walls, painting, cleaning– by Thursday we’re totally out of the old place, my company’s closing early for our annual summer party, and we enter the holiday weekend– Halleluiah.

Bit by bit we unpack boxes, square things away– though there’s still a lot to get settled, we now have a shower curtain up and most of the dishes in accessible cupboards, the bed up off the floor– and a lovely new little back deck area, where we collapse at day’s end with cool beverages and watch fireworks over our neighborhood and speculate about the new neighbors from bits we’ve gleaned glimpsing them in passing in the courtyard or out on their back decks throughout the week– both those who wave across the distance and those who pass without a glance of acknowledgeement.

The L train rumbles by at street level right outside our front windows. during the day the ding-ding-ding of the bells feels like home again and gets hushed at night. we overlook dense treetops, directly across the street from a small park where children play and laugh and there was a free concert on our first night. there’s a little coffee shop and a ballet school downstairs. the river’s about a two block walk away. we’re neither as young as we used to be and are both pretty well exhausted and still recovering. I suspect I’ve given myself Achilles tendonitis. On Friday we made the rounds of shelter dogs, but a puppy may be right for us. We’ll see.

Anyhow, we’re in a good place, together.

the hood

I recently signed up for email updates from EveryBlock Chicago— but the more I get these little bombs in my inbox, the more I consider the salutary wisdom of unsubscribing (and, frankly, I find the concept of “simple” assault or battery perfectly flummoxing):

Hello,

Here’s all the news we at EveryBlock found around [my block] yesterday:

5 locations in the media

  • 5000 N. Sheridan Road Uptown Quick Stop Robbed, 11:10 PM

    The Uptown Quick Stop at 5000 N. Sheridan Road in Chicago was just robbed (at 11:10 p.m.) this evening (May 4). Police, on scanner, say suspect is a male black who fled on foot in an unknown direction.

    Published by Chicago News Bench on May 5, 2009.

  • Lawrence & Sheridan JJ Peppers Robbed At Gunpoint?

    “JJ Peppers (at Lawrence & Sheridan) was just robbed a gunpoint (Monday night). The robbery victim is losing consciousness so an ambulance is now required. The perps are three black males who fled to Lawrence and Winthrop.”

    Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

  • Lawrence and Winthrop JJ Peppers Robbed At Gunpoint?

    “JJ Peppers (at Lawrence & Sheridan) was just robbed a gunpoint (Monday night). The robbery victim is losing consciousness so an ambulance is now required. The perps are three black males who fled to Lawrence and Winthrop.”

    Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

  • Broadway and Clifton Supporting The Arts On Clifton

    Watch as this young man vandalizes a building at Broadway and Clifton.

    Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

  • Kenmore and Lawrence Hookers & Crack Pipes & Slurs, Oh My!

    …10 AM. I had just picked a newspaper and was walking past the corner of Kenmore and Lawrence when I was solicited by a woman I had never seen before. She was across…

    Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

12 crimes

8 business reviews

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FML

so it’s one of those mornings: overcast, dragging– I chew my way resignedly through a bowl of cereal because it is required, do the utmost minimum in the way of morning toilette and wardrobe, again simply because it is required– grit psychic teeth and fight myself every inch of the way to get to and give up my day to the place of work because I must.  on the way in I decide, as unhappiness compensation, to treat myself to delicious $4 coffee beverage from the place located conveniently right near the workplace, suffer through the gratingly insistent jollity of the barrista (barristo?), sigh contentedly as I settle back into the relative peace of my car seat and savor the first sweet sip– then have a single gulp more while driving the final yards, pull in, kill the engine, undo seat belt and open car door, lever myself up and out with coffee in hand– and watch in slow motion dismay as the cup splats open against the parking lot pavement and glugs its contents in a chocolately pool across the tarmac and under my car.

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