the hood

I recently signed up for email updates from EveryBlock Chicago— but the more I get these little bombs in my inbox, the more I consider the salutary wisdom of unsubscribing (and, frankly, I find the concept of “simple” assault or battery perfectly flummoxing):

Hello,

Here’s all the news we at EveryBlock found around [my block] yesterday:

5 locations in the media

• 5000 N. Sheridan Road Uptown Quick Stop Robbed, 11:10 PM
  

  The Uptown Quick Stop at 5000 N. Sheridan Road in Chicago was just robbed (at 11:10 p.m.) this evening (May 4). Police, on scanner, say suspect is a male black who fled on foot in an unknown direction.

  Published by Chicago News Bench on May 5, 2009.

• Lawrence & Sheridan JJ Peppers Robbed At Gunpoint?
  

  “JJ Peppers (at Lawrence & Sheridan) was just robbed a gunpoint (Monday night). The robbery victim is losing consciousness so an ambulance is now required. The perps are three black males who fled to Lawrence and Winthrop.”

  Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

• Lawrence and Winthrop JJ Peppers Robbed At Gunpoint?
  

  “JJ Peppers (at Lawrence & Sheridan) was just robbed a gunpoint (Monday night). The robbery victim is losing consciousness so an ambulance is now required. The perps are three black males who fled to Lawrence and Winthrop.”

  Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

• Broadway and Clifton Supporting The Arts On Clifton
  

  Watch as this young man vandalizes a building at Broadway and Clifton.

  Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

• Kenmore and Lawrence Hookers & Crack Pipes & Slurs, Oh My!
  

  …10 AM. I had just picked a newspaper and was walking past the corner of Kenmore and Lawrence when I was solicited by a woman I had never seen before. She was across…

  Published by Uptown Update on May 5, 2009.

12 crimes

• Assault
  • 4900 block N. Marine Dr Simple assault: Simple assaultPlace: Street. Reported at 11:40 a.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Battery
  • 4700 block N. Sheridan Rd Simple battery: SimplePlace: Commercial / business office. Reported at 4:25 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
  • 5100 block N. Sheridan Rd Simple battery: SimplePlace: Sidewalk. Reported at 1:17 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
  • 4800 block N. Broadway Simple battery: SimplePlace: Sidewalk. Reported at 5 a.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Criminal damage
  • 5100 block N. Marine Dr Vandalism: Criminal damage to vehiclePlace: Street. Reported at 10 a.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Criminal trespass
  • 4800 block N. Sheridan Rd Criminal trespass: To landPlace: Convenience store. Reported at 9:31 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
  • 5400 block N. Kenmore Ave Criminal trespass: To residencePlace: Apartment. Reported at 2:40 a.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Deceptive practice
  • 5300 block N. Broadway Deceptive practice: Credit card fraudPlace: Restaurant. Reported at 3 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
  • 5300 block N. Broadway Deceptive practice: Credit card fraudPlace: Restaurant. Reported at 3 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Narcotics
  • 1100 block W. Winona St Narcotics: Possession of cannabis, 30 grams or lessPlace: Street. Reported at 10:35 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Sex offense
  • 1100 block W. Berwyn Ave Criminal sexual abuse: Criminal sexual abusePlace: CTA train. Reported at 4 p.m. on April 26, 2009.
• Theft
  • 1200 block W. Carmen Ave Theft: Over $300Place: Street. Reported at 3 a.m. on April 26, 2009.

8 business reviews

• 5 stars out of 5: New 5-star reviews for Tweet and Cafe Too on Yelp.
• 4 stars out of 5: New 4-star reviews for La Patisserie P, Golden House Restaurant & Pancake House ong>, Cafe Too and Pho Xe Tang — Tank Noodle Restaurant on Yelp.
• 3 stars out of 5: New 3-star review for Cafe Too on Yelp.
• 2 stars out of 5: New 2-star review for Thai Pastry Restaurant on Yelp.